"There's a stranger in my [bed]..." (?!) Part II

(Disclaimer: this will inevitably transform into a rant, and I'm needing an outlet lest I implode during the work day and take it out on nice coworkers and cute animals)

The couch hasn't been terribly uncomfortable, especially since I took back my fan and had that next to me as I slept, instead of letting SBM, that terrific goon, use my stuff for his own comfort in MY room.

Under the impression that SBM was leaving today, I was surprised that when I woke up at 8, just as he departed, that all his stuff was still strewn across my room. Not exactly what I'd have expected of someone who was presumably vacating the premises.

So I text my roommate as I walk out the door for work this morning, and the exchange proceeds as follows

Me: Daniel is leaving today, right? Because I paid to live and sleep in that room for six weeks and I'm expecting to sleep in that bed tonight...

The Roommate: (about 5 minutes ago): Hi Erica, I will send him an email confirming but since before we signed the contract you were clear about this period and now it is even shorter than what I first told you. So please be patient. He is for sure leaving today or tomorrow. Most likely today but I will check with him. Thanks, D.

Me (After reflecting on all the things I could have said): Thank you

BE PATIENT. SERIOUSLY?!? I WANT MONEY OFF MY RENT. AND FOR THE RECORD, WHATEVER YOU TOLD ME WAS NOT IN THE CONTRACT SO TECHNICALLY "THIS PERIOD" IS IN BREACH. NOT TO MENTION, THE COUCH IS TECHNICALLY A PULL-OUT, SO WHY THE HELL COULDN'T HE SLEEP ON IT? HE IS YOUR FORMER ROOMMATE'S FRIEND-WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR CURRENT LIVING ARRANGEMENT?!

(Deep breaths)

I'll admit, I did say it was ok for someone to stay here during the first week. I was also desperate for housing before I signed the contract and was pretty much willing to do anything to have a place to live, given that I was given one week's notice before starting this job and had no idea where I would go when my hotel reservation expired. I was, however, not aware that I would actually be sleeping on the couch and that this total rando was going to be sleeping in a room full of my stuff.

Also, waking up to pour myself a bowl of cereal and seeing a sink filled to the brim with dirty dishes from these two idiots from the night before--not ok.

Game on, kids. I'm not beyond doing reprehensible, vengeful things. If this person isn't out by Friday, I'm gonna go all Hunger Games on this ish.